Butter rivals

Café de Paris had almost enticed us in the past but we were always put off by the nasty station location, sandwiched between a kebab shop and McDonalds. Besides, surely it's not possible that another eaterie could match the tender meat, fiendish frites and sinful green buttery sauce served at Relais de l'Entrecôte?

When we found ourselves on that side of the lake one evening recently we decided to give it a go.

It didn't start well: the salad was without walnuts and the dressing was forgettable. Then the chips arrived on their own.
But things soon started looking up as the waiter set up a stove on our table and our house wine turned out to be a whole litre. At only 35 francs, that’s a good deal (by Geneva standards anyway).

Then the platter of beef arrived, so rare it looked like it had barely touched a pan, embedded in still-solid buttery sauce. Monsieur Gourmand devoured his in a flash regardless; I was more patient, waiting for the butter to melt around my meat.

As with its Rive Gauche rival, sauce is key to Café de Paris' long-lasting success. It was delicious indeed, but not downright addictive like that at Entrecôte. That said, the prices are rather more palatable and you can eat in unhurried peace, making it more than a worthy alternative.

Café de Paris, 26 rue du Mont-Blanc, Cornavin
+41 (0)22 732 8450; www.cafe-de-paris.ch

Battle of the bulge

Only men mired in the misery of the cold Crimean war - or perhaps Elvis Presley - would have dared dream up something as fiendish as fried cheese balls. While fighting for the French in the battle of Malakoff, it was indeed a group of hungry Swiss soldiers that created the dish of the same name and brought it back home to Vaud... where they found it fitted in very nicely with other hearty Swiss staples such as fondue and cured meat.

These days, the soldiers' story is seldom told, but their “Malakoff” lives on in the Vaud countryside at the Auberge de Luins.

Some like their Malakoffs as a main after a plate of viande sechée and the requisite pickles, but we had them as a starter with a big salad to share. Expecting the cheese to seep out when I pierced it with my knife, I was surprised to find it wasn’t runny, but more congealed and chewy with the cheese absorbed into the bready base. Though undeniably delicious, the Malakoff's fried crust detracted from the flavour of the wine-soaked Gruyère, failing (in my view) to match the melted decadence of a good fondue.

This was followed by a juicy rare rump steak for me and some seasonal venison for Monsieur Gourmand with root vegetables and a deliciously tangy sauce. Both were good, but here the Malakoff is king.

Auberge de Luins, Luins, Vaud
+41 (0)21 824 1159; www.aubergedeluins.ch

Walk to the wild side

Ever since I happily tucked into a spicy enchilada in Austin, Texas at the age of 7, I’ve been adventurous with food. Not long after that, I experimented with sucking out prawns’ brains at the home of a Chinese family friend and in my late teens I sampled spit-roasted guinea pig in Peru.

Geneva’s most interesting ethnic restaurants – serving Ethiopian, Korean and even Filipino fare – are virtually all in Pâquis, but we hardly ever go there because Monsieur Gourmand can’t face crossing the Mont Blanc bridge. It’s not far; just a boring walk. And in the winter the bitter “Bise” wind batters you every step of the way along the wobbly footpath.

But this is early September with no wind to speak of, so I seized the opportunity to suggest something other than the usual steak and frites in the Old Town. We wandered up to Kirin on rue de Neuchâtel and made ourselves comfortable at one of the pavement tables, taking in the lively atmosphere of prostitutes and Persian rug shops.

Neither of us an expert on Japanese food, we started with a fresh and filling sushi platter as well as some gyoza dumplings. Monsieur Gourmand is the doyen of dumplings and he was most impressed with these ones, which were crispy and crumbly all at once and deliciously seasoned. His main course of crispy shredded beef was sweet, but not too syrupy, and much meatier than those I’ve tried before. Geneva’s Chinese restaurants certainly have a lot to learn.

Although my Teriyaki salmon was tender and tasty, it was perhaps too safe a bet in a restaurant that clearly knows its eel from its octopus. I have since resolved to make more of an effort to test my plucky palate of old. Chilled monkey brain anyone?

 Kirin, 4 rue de Neuchâtel, Pâquis
+41 (0)22 738 1288; www.kirinsushi.com

Tip rip off

It started well at La Plancha, where I had long yearned to dine under the awnings on a sultry summer night, amid the bustle of Place des Eaux-Vives.

The seemingly friendly and attentive waiter brought us some crusty bread in what looked like an upside down hat and an adorable sack of flaky fleur de sel. But then came the first sign of trouble. They didn't have the wine we wanted so the waiter suggested another. Naturally, it was three times the price. Nice try, scumbag!

When our starter platter of viande sechée arrived, our crafty server muttered something about the cheese coming soon. Cheese? What cheese? Oh, of course, the cheese on my cheeseburger, i.e. my main course, which came one minute later. One minute too late to realise what they had done and cancel the now unnecessary starter...

Grudgingly, I must concede that the burger was juicy and flavoursome, served with red onion, melted cheese, a rather measly rasher of bacon hidden behind the top half of the bun, and tasty frites. But Monsieur Gourmand's steak was disappointingly dull and not seignant by anyone's standards.

The wily waiter tried to hurry us along by repeatedly filling our already full glasses, which only made the wine warm up in the balmy evening air. In a final attempt to fleece us, he suggested we might like to add a tip. Even if they weren't already included in Swiss restaurant bills, which they are, it would have been an empty saucer for this guileful garçon.

La Plancha, 2 Place des Eaux-Vives, 1207 Geneva

+41 (0)22 735 2250; www.laplancha.ch

Buffalo brill

Many a rural English pub has turned Thai in recent years, forcing those with traditional tastes to traipse to the next county in search of some roast pheasant or Dover sole. I imagine the countryside Swiss are similarly peeved at their village auberges going all Italian, charging the earth for a veal escalope and shunning credit cards.

While this is a familiar tale in many of Geneva's surrounding villages, not so in Collex-Bossy where the Auberge serves up juicy bison steaks fresh from the local herd and pinot noir from just down the road. What's more, the service is efficient and smily (unless you order something other than bison, in which case you are darted a disbelieving glare and treated like a fool for the rest of your meal).

 

But there is little reason why anyone wouldn't want bison: the meat is lower in fat, calories and cholesterol than beef and is tasty and tender to boot. And the enormous bison head mounted on the wall implores sentimental meat eaters not to let the cuddly cattle die in vain.

 

I'm not normally a fan of mashed potato because I find it too heavy, but the version served here was so light and wispy that I guiltlessly ate the lot. Having started with only a green salad with a subtle honey dressing, I finished my meal feeling virtuous and thrilled to have discovered the delights of bison meat.

 

With its warm and welcoming atmosphere, I think Monsieur Gourmand and I will be back for some wintery feasts of lean bison, hearty red wine and oozy chocolate fondant. But that's months away. Suddenly something Italian takes my fancy...

Auberge de Collex-Bossy, 195 route de Collex, 1239 Collex-Bossy
+41 (0)22 774 1515; http://www.aubergecollex-bossy.com

Saucy Sicilian

Bounding along the lakeside path on his evening run, there was no mistaking the buff physique and leonine locks of Dario, eponymous owner of the eatery Monsieur Gourmand and I had visited the night before.

In a town where most restaurateurs could do with a stint at charm school, Dario's approach is rather refreshing. Yes, he will probably have run out of most things on the menu and you'll have to wait a while for his attention, but any disappointment is short-lived: in a jiffy he'll be calling you by name, plying you with wine and recommending another dish that somehow sounds so much better than what you wanted.

On our first visit, I arrived grumpy but left happy, having eaten a plate of deliciously creamy fresh burrata with rocket leaves and a dollop of honey, followed by swordfish piled high with tomatoes and olives. In truth, the sauce overpowered the natural flavour and texture of the fish, but it seems that heaviness is a feature of Sicilian cooking (they also do a hearty aubergine and parmesan bake and some truffle-laden pasta dishes).

The warm interior décor of burnt orange walls, tiled tables and wrought-iron chairs reflects Sicily's proximity to north Africa, but outside is the place to be, where Dario works the pavement tables, keeping the locals coming back for more of his Italian tastiness and infectious joie de vivre.

Dario's, rue de Montchoisy 4, Eaux-Vives
+41 (0)22 700 7507; www.darios.ch

No Wei

Alpine Eating is turning into Chinese Chomping with the recent emphasis on Asian food, but Jacky Wei (or Jakcy Wei, according to the awning) merits a mention just for being so bad. I guess I should have known better than to trust a place that spells its own name wrong.

Casting my eye over the menu, I fancied a fresh, healthy Singapore summer roll to start and some sizzling prawns, but Monsieur Gourmand persuaded me to have steamed dumplings and calamari instead.

He got more than he bargained for, having to polish off my meal when I couldn't stomach even one more gag-inducing, greasy bite.

The gelatinous texture of what was supposed to be pork in the dumpling made me quite queasy so I tried to look forward to my main course. It's hard to go wrong with calamari, isn't it?

Apparently not. Instead of the spicy sizzling squid I was expecting, I got deep fried slices on a skewer, padded out with peppers (a particularly unpleasant vegetable in my view, with a sour, nasal aftertaste that overpowers all other flavours).

A lot of restaurants are unexciting or substandard, but it's rare to be unable to finish the food for fear of vomiting. Paying for it just seems perverse.

Jacky Wei, rue Neuve du Molard 19, 1204 Geneva
+41 (0)22 310 2339