Eternal tea

As sure as night follows day, restaurants in Geneva always ask if you've booked. Even if all their tables are empty and it's clear to see that you are the only customer they are likely to have all evening.

So it's nice to find that for once it was worth the phone call. Le Thé, tucked away behind the concrete delight that is Plainpalais, is so revered for its delectable dim sum that only a fool would try to turn up without booking.

The six or so tables are tucked between oriental screens and the wall, which is decked with precariously placed Chinese teapots. Of course, at a place called Le Thé they are quite big on tea.

We had a jasmine variety which went very nicely with the steamed buns and dumplings... when they eventually arrived. Rarely have I been so ravenous; the wait was like torture as we watched other earlier arrivals tucking in with glee as the only cook in the kitchen slaved away and the lady owner waited the tables as slowly as a snail.

And the tea only made me hungrier, meaning that when the food came I wolfed it down in a frenzy, as did Monsieur Gourmand, so we can't really remember what it was like.

I'm pretty sure we were impressed - and surely all of those people that book all the tables every night can't all be wrong - but, wary of having to wait an age on uncomfortable metal chairs with barely enough room to swing a Peking duck, I doubt we'll go back.

Le Thé, 65 rue des Bains, 1205 Genève
+41 (0)794 367718



 

Chinese reserve

Much like the cars outside and the ladies of the night inside, the food at Tse Fung, La Reserve's Chinese restaurant, is exotic, ravishing and expensive.

All that's lacking is a little imagination. The menu sticks to a standard formula with classics including sesame prawn toast and spring rolls, crispy duck with hoi sin sauce, followed by chicken, seafood or beef with cashew, Szechuan and sweet and sour sauces. All are expertly prepared and superbly served by a team of charming staff. 

In pricier places, I like them to show you what they do best so we ordered one of the four degustation menus, all named after appropriately expensive gemstones.

Our Emerald option started with some five spice squid, unfortunately served at the same time as the duck roll and steamed dumplings - at the most chichi Chinese in town I would have expected it to have been a bit more drawn out. None of these starters stick in the memory and I've definitely had better dumplings in Paquis.

Moving on to the mains, we were presented with caramelised beef, chicken in black bean sauce and spicy sole fillets. Of these, the fish was the stand-out dish: delicate and flavoursome without being overpowered by the spice.

Something sweet from the dessert menu - chocolate spring rolls perhaps - would have made a fiendish finale but we were both quite stuffed by this point. Besides, they were generous with the petits fours that came with Monsieur Gourmand's espresso.  

With sumptuous surroundings, lavish service and long-legged clientele, Tse Fung is a favourite for special occasions but disappointingly unextraordinary.

Le Tse Fung, La Rserve, 301 route de Lausanne, 1293 Bellevue
+41 (0)22 959 5959; www.lareserve.ch

Unpleasant moon

The fact that the online reviews of Hong Moon look suspiciously like they've been written by the staff should have told us something.

But we are always on the hunt for good Chinese food and have often wondered whether this restaurant on the ground floor of a grim concrete tower block might be a hidden gem.

Well, it's not. Glutenous dumplings and slimy grey mystery meat that was supposed to be chicken are the overriding memories.

I should say that Monsieur Gourmand did enjoy his Szechuan beef. But, to be fair, he was very hungry. 

It rather reminded me of an equally vile Chinese restaurant, 
Jacky Wei.

Hong Moon, Route de Sauverny 1, 1290 Versoix
+41 (0)22 755 1926

Eastern feast

Having spent two and a half years searching in vain for good Asian food that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg in central Geneva, Monsieur Gourmand and I have finally found out the truth – it was in Nyon all along!

Mekong has already become our regular Sunday night haunt, not only because it is ten minutes’ drive from our bucolic abode, but because there is an emphasis on intriguing Vietnamese house specials rather than gloopy MSG-laden, deep-fried spring rolls and sweet and sour mystery meat.

I keep meaning to try something else, but I just can’t tear myself away from the beef with crispy basil leaves (I once tried the prawns with tamarind sauce but it was too sickly, completely overpowering any seafood flavour). The same is true of the starters; the grilled pork dumplings have impressed us time and again with their crispy casings, and we have developed quite a liking for the Vietnamese summer roll stuffed with herby minced meat (even if it does come with slices of spam).

Mekong is cosy and warm for winter nights, with carved wood furniture and water features, and the staff make quite an aesthetic effort (see photo). But now it's warming up, I've got a feeling that many an Eastern feast will be enjoyed in the summer on the big terrace overlooking the lake.

Mekong, Quai des Alpes, 1260 Nyon
+41 (0)22 362 5484

No Wei

Alpine Eating is turning into Chinese Chomping with the recent emphasis on Asian food, but Jacky Wei (or Jakcy Wei, according to the awning) merits a mention just for being so bad. I guess I should have known better than to trust a place that spells its own name wrong.

Casting my eye over the menu, I fancied a fresh, healthy Singapore summer roll to start and some sizzling prawns, but Monsieur Gourmand persuaded me to have steamed dumplings and calamari instead.

He got more than he bargained for, having to polish off my meal when I couldn't stomach even one more gag-inducing, greasy bite.

The gelatinous texture of what was supposed to be pork in the dumpling made me quite queasy so I tried to look forward to my main course. It's hard to go wrong with calamari, isn't it?

Apparently not. Instead of the spicy sizzling squid I was expecting, I got deep fried slices on a skewer, padded out with peppers (a particularly unpleasant vegetable in my view, with a sour, nasal aftertaste that overpowers all other flavours).

A lot of restaurants are unexciting or substandard, but it's rare to be unable to finish the food for fear of vomiting. Paying for it just seems perverse.

Jacky Wei, rue Neuve du Molard 19, 1204 Geneva
+41 (0)22 310 2339

Dim sum search

Rarely does a Sunday night pass without Monsieur Gourmand craving some grilled pork dumplings and crispy shredded mystery meat (beef apparently, but I have my doubts). After London's dazzling array of Chinese restaurants - from local gems to internationally known hotspots - we were at first a little disappointed by Geneva's hideously expensive and decidedly ordinary offerings.

Since those early days, however, we have become accustomed to the lack of pak choi and the usual reliance on "5 épices" sauces and deep-fried "nems". But some are still better than others...


Unfairly ignored for months by Monsieur Gourmand and me because it was recommended by a rather smarmy acquaintance, Zhong Tong has become our most regularly visited Asian eatery (they also do Thai salads and Vietnamese hotpots). Not quite tucked away enough to escape the accordion players that offend our ears on hot summer nights, the rear terrace is charming nonetheless with a quirky picket fence entwined with plastic flowers.

Zhong Tong, Rue du Cendrier 10, Central; +41 (0)22 732 6868


If it wasn’t for the disappointingly small servings, Bamboo Garden would have many more regular visits from me and Monsieur Gourmand. As well as classic Chinese dishes, there is an emphasis on Korean cuisine, served in a warm atmosphere of bamboo-detailed décor.

Bamboo Garden, Passage Linck 4, Eaux-Vives
+41 (0)22 700 40 20; http://www.bamboo-garden.ch


Hung Wang benefits both from its picture postcard view and its steady flow of hotel guests from next door who are either too tired or lazy to look around. But they don’t rest on their laurels: the food is pleasingly MSG free and the décor is elegant and airy.

Hung Wang, Quai du Mont-Blanc 7, Mont Blanc; +41 (0)22 731 7330

Apart from a few flourishes of creativity - exotic birds carved out of carrots, a not unimpressive fish tank and a Mexican wrestling mask motif - Chez Kei is unremarkable. But that hasn't quelled its popularity with the old-fashioned well-to-do Genevois who have been feasting on duck and dumplings here for decades.

Chez Kei, Route de Malagnou 6, Malagnou; +41 (0)22 346 4789

The chunky Chinese man in the filthy-looking kitchen appears to be the owner of Lin Xiang, helped out by his severe-looking wife and greasy-haired daughters (a sure turn-off in any eating establishment). While I can't help focussing on the sticky surroundings, Monsieur Gourmand keeps coming back for the duck feast (pancakes with plum sauce followed by non-descript saucy duck with rice).

Lin Xiang, Rue du Prince 8, Rive; +41 (0)22 311 3330